A late-night conversation with a friend of mine who has been quite a multi-tasker made me ponder over my current state of inertia. His comments on being ‘shy yet a potential world-changer’ roused the venom of an ego in me. A sane person would ideally thank their good-fortune of having such friends and go back to sleep. But me being me, started pondering over the word ‘shy’ and hell broke loose. Even before I knew, my mind had begun the cross-examination of my self, whose esteem was hurt. Needless to say, I lost my sleep and woke up to unleash the demons of an idle mind.
I am not sure what I am heading to with what I am about to say, for all I know I have always been clueless all my life. I guess despite the cloud and thunder I have reached somewhere in life and apart from the occasional downpours, I do not have anything to complain about life. I might not have started something revolutionary; I have always been ordinary. I am just the CEO of my family and not any fancy company. I have travelled fairly, balancing work and family life. I earn enough to buy diamonds for myself. At 28, I have gone back to being a student because I believe that we are all essential learners and you must never stop seizing yourself from potential learning.
Not to brag, but these are the minor happiness that I use to fight against intrinsic and extrinsic demons. I am not sure how many of you have been in my position where you have constantly been hailed a mediocre. If u haven’t, lucky you. For ages, I grappled myself with mediocrity. I was constantly told to be a better version of myself. But what is funny is that I have been told all of these coated in excess sugar. Ensuring that I could be something when I am actually nothing! Well, do I care? Of course, I do and that’s when I lost my peace. In that dark journey that ensued, I had my husband who had my back and lauded me when I was a flawed mother. I had my teachers who have told me it’s okay to have maternal breaks when I missed my career. I had well-wishers to cheer me up when I was feeling low and unaccomplished in life. These people who have constantly told me that life is not a competition to be won always.
I was asked to aim for the universe and chase my dreams so that I can live them one day. But aren’t I already living a dream life? For a clueless person that I was, don’t you think my brags have become my dreams now?
Dreams are plural you cannot limit yourself into just living one. I never lived the dream of being a journalist whose guilt I shall carry until my grave. I may not have lived my actual dream for now, but indeed I lived through my nightmares. From becoming a teacher to a mother and embracing family life (all the while gloriously embracing mediocrity), I have tasted what a nightmare is. But as I hit maturity and saw the varied facets of life, I realized dreams and nightmares are nothing but creations of mind in white and black.
Thanks to this friend of mine, that I finally confronted my mediocrity. But it irks me when society places this unwanted pressure on the individual. Why does any person have to achieve something in life? Do you always have to be the superstar? Why does everyone have to be a game-changer? Why can’t you just be you?
You’re mediocre if you don’t have a career and also if you have one. So what? What’s wrong in being ordinary? What are we trying to prove and to whom are we trying to prove? Society??? Really? I reckon it’s only our consciousness that we are obliged to prove and be true. It is not a rat-race. It is life in its hues of greys and blacks and some occasional colours. We need to realize this fact and make peace with our mental health. Though it’s easier said than done, this is the only solution I can think of to bring peace to my turmoiled self (apart from my occasional brags, of course, :p)