Muddled with profound thoughts, she lay in her bed stoic and unperturbed by the heavy snores of her better half. “The sex was great”, she mused to herself. Usually, she dozes off after a great sex but tonight here she was tossing and turning without an iota of sleep.
Her mind was rather heavy as if she was losing a part of herself. Well, a loving partner coupled with a comfortable life is all you need to be happy.
“I am happy, ain’t I?”, she quizzed herself.
And this led to the opening of the pandora’s box. All she wanted was to get rid of such insane doubts and give herself into the world of dreams! However, sleep decided to evade her and rather intrigued her mind into thoughts! Lo and behold, hell broke loose and she was lost in the vast labyrinth of eternal contemplation of the mind.
The question of happiness resurfaced; thanks to the wicked mind! Well, the mind is quite fickle and wicked for it drowns you with a plethora of thoughts!!!Like a timeline, snippets of her life flashed through her mind. An eventful childhood, an average teenage and a happening adulthood: that was her life – simple and subtle. But the truth was bitter; it wasn’t as simple as it sounded. It was a facade to the outside world. Deep down in there, she knew what she was – a rebel.
A girl who rebelled for cars and aeroplanes over dolls and bangles. A daughter who rebelled for a career of her choice, a wife who rebelled for a husband of her choice, a woman who rebelled for being on par with men. Period. That was her! But did she quite succeed being a rebel???
” Married the guy I knew for 10 years – Rebel A success. At 35, my news organisation is doing pretty well – Rebel B success again. And finally, I am quite the feminist that I have always envisioned to be – Rebel C…”, she went blank for a second.
Was she actually one? “I gazed and gazed but little thought, what wealth this life to me had brought?”. Wordsworth flashed for a millisecond or so and she was quick enough to get back her composure on her ideals. So returning to her thoughts her heart ached…that pain of similarity when she had been discriminated over her brothers, that familiar pain of being sidelined just because she had an extra x chromosome in her body. That pain of being helpless and dependent on someone again. And finally, that pain of just letting go of those rebellious thoughts over compassion for the greater good.
Yes, she now realised being plagued by that familiar fear she always wanted to evade. Now they are all coming back like the waves during the tides. One after the other more powerful and crumbling the former…
Her life reeked of that pang of similarity… And she realised that her new life is nothing but an old wine in a new bottle.