I have reached that stage in life where oldies at a wedding or any family occasions for that matter, emerge fervently enquiring of my single status. Besides advising my parents on marrying me off at the earliest, their major concern would be on the dowry my parents propose to give me. And if you are from Kerala and you are a Menon/Nair girl, dowry is euphemized as gold sovereigns because apparently, the Menon tradition proscribes men from accepting dowry. I do not wish to talk about dowry for it has been discussed in length and breadth by eminent scholars across the country. My concern is of the politics behind dowry and how this age old conviction has emerged as a lifestyle practice in the contemporary world. Marriage is that special day in a couples life where the vows are exchanged proclaiming them as husband and wife. It is a very sacred and an auspicious occasion where a man and a woman are unified as a single soul. It is indeed a childhood dream of every girl to make her big day special and memorable.  And in this frenzy to make the wedding unforgettable and extravagant there are no second thoughts on spending money. Money is splurged generously to make the day grand and pompous. And since offering and accepting dowry has become a punishable crime, the big fat Indian wedding itself replaces dowry.

This new method of wedding (where the bride is fully decked in tons of gold and the groom gifted with a brand new car) itself becomes a euphemized way of giving dowry. Marriage today has become more of a prestige issue and a competition item for the parents. If A has given 100kg gold to A’s daughter then the pressure is on B to give 100kg and a plus extra to his daughter and show off in front of A. Weddings have become a mere business and plenty of event management groups today cash in on this burgeoning demand. With money and wealth taking a Centre stage in the wedding ceremony, the sanctity of the occasion ceases to oblivion. Marriage today has highly become ostentatious. Thus the flamboyant weddings have become a lifestyle practice in the contemporary world.

I have nothing against people who have their weddings in the most elaborate manner, for I know they have money to splurge. And it is up to them to make the event grand or not so grand.  But I do not understand the rationale behind the middle class who sell off every bit of their land and property to marry off their daughter. I pity them for considering marriage as a competition and a place to show off wealth. Also there is a section of the society who ostracise the bride and her parents if they fail to meet the expectations of a grand Indian wedding. To those obnoxious lots, well, grow up! It is not the amount of sovereigns that determines the standards of a wedding. And for those worried parents who are in a frenzy to marry off their daughters in a grand fashion, well people will never cease to bitch, so it doesn’t really matter if the wedding is a little less of grandiose. And if your daughter chooses not to wear gold/platinum/diamond for her big day, be proud of her rather than ridicule her. For, people have no right to judge you based on the gold that you are festooned with. Ultimately, it is not gold or money but the chemistry that the groom and the bride share that determines the happiness in a marriage.